The Jacob Generation

I heard a sermon last Sunday that helped me put my life into some form of perspective. I have been wresling with God all my life. Why are things this way, How come you don't work the way I what them. I have been screaming, dictating, working out life in the way I wanted it to go. Still putting on the face of Godliness. Saying to myself, Whatever you want for me to do Lord. Do you know where that gets you in life? 44 years old and still asking is this all there is to the Christian life. Maintaining a Life style. Did you here that expression? MY LIFESTYLE. If that doesn't call for repentance, I don't know what does. This life is not about me, it about God and him working a perfect work. Do you know that your lifestyle can go away, and God is still there. I am learning to just let go and Let God do what He is going to do. That doesn't mean I have stopped praying, actually, I fine myself praying more, reading the scriptures more. Wanting to hear from him more. I know Bill Maher would say I am crazy and ignorant, but He has not walked in my shoes. He has not seen what has happened in my life, heart and soul. I have a longing to be a vessel the Holy Spirit works through, and to be known for something different than I have known myself to be.